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EscaWake

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I am working on a few practise pieces at the moment, as well as an icon set for Elementary OS (if you don't know what that is, click here for more information). For a sample of the icons I am making, click here.

I am once again practising drawing faces, trying out a few different methods. I will talk more about that when I upload the actual pieces. None of them are meant to be finished art in any way, it is practise. Then again, I consider all art I make practise for the next piece I will do.

So hold on tight, I'm not done yet.
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Personal update/ramble/entry/blarargh/etc. ahead. A lot of things has happened in my life and I just feel a need to tell someone about it. Also a good way to explain why I haven't been doing anything on this site for quite a while. So.. Be warned that this might be some very personal touchy/feely stuff and/or a boring account of what has been going on university wise. I'll just also point out that there could be a few swear words mixed in between the non-offensive parts. Don't come crying to me and say I didn't warn you, this might not be everyone's cup of tea for one or another reason.

So I've been kind of sort of in a relationship with this guy for about three months now. The main reason it was "kind of sort of" was because we had never actually met up in real life. It was Skype an email only. Which worked fine for me as I would probably have been scared off by anyone living any closer. Being asexual and agender (added to just plain weirdness) had me more or less set on the idea that I would not function in a relationship with anybody. I would get a number of cats and be that "weird old cat lady". Which, honestly, would be perfectly ok for me. I'm not one of those people who need social or physical contact in order to be happy. I can quite gladly go and stay at a cottage for two weeks entirely on my own and not see another human being through that time period. (After two weeks I would want to go back to have a shower and fresh fruit though). While I do enjoy spending time with certain people it's not something "necessary".

Anyway, to get back on track, a relationship with me would probably not be able to develop the "normal" way. I do actually suspect that the way it happened is quite likely to be the only way it could happen. I really did get to know the person far before I met him. I fell for the personality, which is something I would do anyway, and that was ok. It might not be the most common way to start out a relationship, but it's our way, and it's a way that I was comfortable with. I could tread the water without feeling pushed. I had no idea what I was comfortable with, both emotionally and physically. And this way I could slowly stretch my limits and take it at my own pace. It worked out great.

20th of April I went to stay with him for two weeks. We had agreed to be friends regardless of what did or did not happen. If we met up and one of us just didn't feel comfortable with the whole relationship, or one of us figured out it just wouldn't work, that was fine. We would try it out and see what happened. As you can tell by the title, and pretty much anything else I have said so far, it did work out. It worked a lot better than expected, for both of us. And while we do live in different countries, separated by an ocean, we'll figure it out and take it step by step. It might not work in the long run or we might just end up spending the rest of our lives together. It's not really something you can predict.

And now, to make a cut jump to something completely different: I'm in the middle of an exam period. I have already finished two of my exams and I have four left. One of them begins tomorrow. Two of them are home exams which means I'll be working on them for a week. I'll be entirely done the tenth of June and then hopefully I'll jump right into a summer job. I'll be working all summer, saving up money for next year of university.

I hope I don't fail miserably and that I get accepted on the course for next year as well. I've nearly finished my first year of a bachelor degree and it would be nice to be able to finish the last two as well. My ever pessimistic self is trying to work out what I'm going to do if I don't have a job this summer or I don't have a university spot this fall. More than likely it'll work out and all my planning will have been for naught. But that's life I guess.

So yes. I have been busy with... things. I haven't produced any artwork apart from songs, which isn't really something you upload to DA. I do draw and paint occasionally. I even take pictures. I'll let you know when anything happens.

Peace!

PS: On a completely different note yet again. Since the 17th of May (Norway's national day) temperatures have reached 30 C every single day and I'm just sitting here melting into a pool. Hope I survive this heat-wave.
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So yes. I haven't really posted or updated anything for a while. It's bound to happen. I don't always get around to drawing or painting a whole lot, so when I have nothing to show I have nothing to show. I will get around to it eventually, but I don't know when or how often.

In the meantime, I'll just send you over to my soundcloud. That hasn't really been updated for the past couple of months either.. I have just written two songs that I'll produce shortly, so look out for that!

soundcloud.com/escawake
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Emotions

2 min read
Apparently I don't have them. Or so I've been told. Either that or it's very important for me to not show that I have emotions. I'm not entirely sure I can agree with that. Granted, I don't ever get angry and I really don't let people see me cry, but when I feel happy I want the whole world to know. I smile like a fool, I laugh loudly and I embrace the mood. So while I might seem fairly neutral most of the time you will know when I'm truly happy.

On a side note; While two years ago I really didn't smile a whole lot I now find myself grinning constantly, which is a nice change. I actually like my life and myself at the moment and that feels so incredibly good. I really don't plan to go back to where I was during high school, I'm enjoying myself too much to do that.

So while I might not have that many strong negative emotions anymore I honestly feel like I've had my fair share by now. I don't really have any reason to feel anger or sadness right now, everything is working out so perfectly, in a way I couldn't even have imagined. I'm at the complete opposite end of the scale compared to back then. I do have emotions. I feel happy when talking to my friends, I feel content when hanging out with my family and I feel "the butterflies" when I think of the person I like. I don't see why I should feel the negatives when they're not even there.

I'll work on my issues as they come up and I'll enjoy this happiness that I feel for as long as it lasts. Hopefully it will never end.
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Stolen (more like forced on me) from ~Psoewish

1. Are you young at heart, or an old soul?
Mentally I'm nearly forty, but I can act like a five-year old if the situation allows for it.

2. What makes someone a best friend?
A best friend is someone who doesn't have to ask. To use a cliche, a best friend is someone who opens the fridge and complains about the choice of food rather than asking politely to be fed.

3. What Christmas (or Hanukkah) present do you remember the most?
A pair of shoes. I never cared about fashion and once upon a time I asked for a pair of shoes that cost a little more (not a whole lot) than what we would normally pay for a pair of shoes. I was told no, and that I shouldn't pay that much for a pair of shoes just because I liked how they looked. Then I got them as a christmas present two months later.

4. Tell me about a movie/song/tv show/play/book that has changed your life.
I don't remember what this particular TV show was called, but it was a four episode documentary about dinosaurs. The channel aired an episode a week. It was all in English and with Norwegian subtitles. I was 6 at the time, had just begun to learn to read and I had next to no knowledge of English at the time. Before the second episode was over I managed to read both of the subtitle lines before the text disappeared. Nothing had ever motivated me so much before, and I don't think after either, and I begun reading books before I finished first grade of elementary because of it.

5. Name one physical feature that you like about yourself, and one you dislike.
I quite like my voice (or vocal chords if you like) and I'm not too fond of my stubby fingers. They're too bloody short to be able to play the piano properly.

6. Would you like to reconnect with any friends you've lost contact with?
Yes

7. What's more important in a relationship: physical attraction or emotional connection?
Emotional connection

8. Name a movie that you knew would be terrible just from reading the title.
Human Centipede

9. What holiday do you most look forward to?
Easter

10. How is the relationship between you and your parents?
My mother; great. Couldn't be better. My father.. eh... We speak a couple times a year.

11. You've got the TV on, but you're not really watching. What channel is the TV on?
.. I don't have a TV. But I suppose, either nrk1 or Discovery.

12. Name a song that never fails to make you happy.
'Tir'Na Noir', though it doesn't really quite make me "happy" it's the one that can calm me down no matter what I might be feeling at the moment.

13. You know at least one person named Michael. Tell me about him.
I do know one person named Michael, but I'm not entirely sure that's how you spell his name to be honest. I just call him Milafl, that's what his name is in my phone book anyway. I knew him for a year, while I ended up playing in the same brass band as him. He plays the Ess cornet most of the time, but if not he ends up on Solo cornet. He likes playing TV games and.. That's about as much as I know.

14. If you could pick anywhere to live the rest of your life, where would it be?
Trondheim

15. Can money buy happiness?
.... That depends on your situation. If you have enough money to not have to worry about it, then no.

16. Do you drink? Smoke? Do drugs? Why, or why not?
Hardly, no and no. I don't do drugs because they are illegal, I don't smoke because I know how dangerous and pointless it is and I don't drink all that much because I don't like the taste of alcohol. I have more reasons, but those are the main ones.

17. Is there anyone close to you that you know you can't trust? You don't have to give names.
. . . Yes. But I have trust issues. I hardly trust anyone. If that's not what the question is about then still yes. I have.. uncovered certain things.

18. Where was your favorite place to go when you were a little kid?
The top of a tree.

19. Have you ever spent a night in the hospital?
Several. I was dehydrated because I don't drink enough and I ended up being very sickly for a couple of years because of it.

20. Do you enjoy being with only one or two friends, or with a large group of people?
One. Definitely one. Maybe two.

21. Do you like the type of music your parents listen to? Do your parents like the type of music you listen to?
My mother has a rather large collection of CD's. We do have a couple of artists and bands in common, such as Jarle Bernhoft and the Beatles, we are ok with most of the music that the other listen to and some of it we just can't agree on at all. Which is the case with most people I suspect. Generally we agree that we have quite good taste in music. She will not listen to recording of brass bands with me though...

22. Have you ever been bullied? Have you ever bullied anyone else?
Yes I have, for several years, and no I have never. Not that I know of at least. I have hurt people unintentionally, but I hardly think that goes under bullying.

23. If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Rutabaga mush. .. I'm going to go make some right now.

24. If your partner wanted to wait until marriage before having sex, would you stay in that relationship?
Eh.. I would never have sex anyway so not having any before getting married is not a problem for me. Actually, I would never get married either. Somehow I don't think this question is aimed at me...

25. Do you believe in a god?
No

26. Would you call yourself/your family "middle class?"
.... I suppose so? We don't really have the whole "class system" in Norway. We're not exceptionally rich, but we're doing just fine, so I guess.

27. Name a TV series you didn't enjoy until after it ended.
I just... Don't watch TV series I don't enjoy. But I do quite often find a TV series that has ended, get the whole thing and watch it all over a short period of time. Such as Stargate. I managed to watch SG-1 over a couple of months.

28. Have you ever bought a product from an infomercial?
No

29. If you could give up your car and never have to drive again, would you?
I don't have a car? And I quite enjoy driving, so no. Unless it meant I was able to teleport instead. I would totally go for that.

30. If you go back to one point in time to give advice to yourself, when would you go and what would you say?
Just before high school. Don't bring your laptop to school. Keep writing notes by hand.

31. What's your "quirkiest" habit?
My quirkiest? Where do I even start.. I collect little pieces of all kinds of stuff to use in a scrapbook I never get around to making.

32. What is "normal?" Are you normal?
Normal is boring. I'm not normal.

33. Someone close to you is dying. You have the choice to let this person live for 10 more years, but if you do, you cause the death of 10 strangers. You don't have to see them die. Do you take the offer?
I... No. Logically I say no. I don't know how I would actually react if that situation would ever occur though.

34. What is one thing you could never forgive?
If someone raped me. I am quite forgiving, but if you even tried to have smexy times it would be rape and I would kill you in your sleep. This of course also applies to rape/murder of anyone I hold dear.

35. Would you rather be in a relationship after the honeymoon period ends, or be single?
I have no problem being single... But honestly, a relationship is going to have it's up and downs. That's just the way it is.

36. Is it possible for guys and girls to be just friends?
I have read some studies on this and women are more likely to respond yes to this question than guys are. Implying that no, it's not possible. Here's a thought for you though. There is such a thing as asexuals and homosexuals...

37. Where do you and your friends go to hang out?
I don't really.. "hang out". So we don't have a spot.

38. What is the best TV theme song ever?
Inspector gadget

39. When you were young, what would you dream you would be when you grew up?
A teacher. I already told you I'm incredibly old, mentally speaking.

40. When you're alone in your own home, do you walk around naked?
Never

41. What gets you out of bed in the morning?
My alarm

42. Do you want to have more friends than you have right now?
No, not really. Quality over quantity any day.

43. What part of the past year sticks out in your mind?
My trip to London

44. You win a scratch-off lottery game that gives you $2000 a week (after taxes) for the rest of your life. Do you keep your job?
Yes. I would go nuts if I didn't have something to do. I might "change" my job and pursue something different, but right now I'm studying and I could easily stay in uni for the rest of my life.

45. Could you be in a long-distance relationship? If you're in one, what makes yours work?
I could easily see myself in a long distance relationship. I'm sort of in one? And Skype. Skype makes every relationship work when you can't actually be there.

46. What's the best route to your heart?
Be nice and trustworthy. I couldn't care less about any other attributes a person might have. If you are able to make me trust you, you will have a friend for life. Honestly.

47. Have you ever met someone through the internet, then met them in real life?
.... Soon.... >_>

48. What is your favorite sport?
Ice skating

49. What has been troubling you lately?
That I'm not entirely sure where or when I'm supposed to meet for my first day of school this term.

50. What do you use more often: your intuition or logical reasoning?
Logical reasoning

51. Do you know what makes you happy?
Yes

52. Tell me about the last book you read.
I'm reading the last book in the Eragon series now, but read.. I just finished GONE. It's a story about a city being completely cut off from the rest of the world by a magic sphere and every single person the age of 15 and above disappearing. Suddenly mutations occur and kids and animals get powers they should normally have. Coyotes start talking for example. Kids hurt each other, kill each other and help each other out. It's a very interesting read.

53. What is the nicest compliment you've ever been given?
I'm not going to get it correct, word for word but..
"You are so accepting. If I have done something weird, or like something weird, you're not bothered by it."

54. Who was your first crush?
I don't really do crushes... Unless you count Hollywood crushes. I think it might have been MacGyver....

55. Do you believe that there is life on other planets?
Yes. If there are none in this universe then we still have the endless possibilities of parallel universes that give every single outcome you could ever imagine.

56. Predict what your life will look like a year from now.
Right now, a year from now, I will be in my second year of university most likely at the school itself.

57. Where is your favorite place to go out and eat?
This little Chinese place that has the best egg rolls ever.

58. What is something you want to change about your current situation?
I wish I had more hours in the days to do everything I want to do...

59. Early bird or night owl?
.. Both.

60. Are there any childhood possessions you still hold on to?
This rabbit teddy bear. He lost an eye ages ago though, so now I call him Choppy.

61. What was the last song that was stuck in your head?
The misty mountains song the dwarfes sing in 'The Hobbit'.

62. Where do you live? Be as general or specific as you want.
Trondheim, Norway, planet earth, Milky way galaxy.

63. Do you believe in giving kids medals and trophies for participation?
Not really. But it depends on the situation.

64. What was the longest car ride you've ever taken?
11 hours to Oslo, in one day. I have also driven to northern Norway, through Sweden, and back again over a couple of weeks. We took our time.

65. Have you ever taken part in a protest?
I can't remember that I have..

66. Would you ever use an online dating service?
Currently on one.

67. What is your ethnic heritage?
Norwegian all the way. Except that my brown hair does tell you there is some Spanish blood in there somewhere.

68. Describe a person that inspires you.
A young girl, whom I don't know the name of to this day, was so incredibly brave and cared for others when she clearly was the one who hurt the most. The world is just a little worse without her.

69. If you earn minimum wage doing what you love, would you?
Sure. As long as I have enough money to no need to worry about it I'm good.

70. Do you believe in luck?
No

71. Describe the last time you were very angry at someone.
Years ago, and I don't remember what had me so angry, I bit my cousins arm. He had to sow stitches. I think I was 5 at the time.

72. Do you want to live until you're 100?
If I'm in good health and can still enjoy life and contribute to society, then yes.

73. Do people change? If so, how do you keep a relationship together when both of you start to change?
People change, constantly. Sometimes there is nothing you can do to keep a relationship together. There is no use clinging to a ship that is doomed to sink.

74. Have you ever risked a friendship by telling someone you liked them?
Yes. I regret it greatly.

75. Would you rather be alone doing something you enjoy, or doing something you don't like with your best friends?
I'd rather be by myself thank you very much.

76. Do you practice what you preach?
I try to. And most of the time I succeed.

77. If you take precautions to stay safe, do you ultimately act more recklessly?
No

78. What do you value more in a significant other: Attractiveness or intelligence?
Intelligence

79. Are you hard-headed?
When I truly believe in something

80. Have you ever laughed uncontrollably when it was socially inappropriate?
... I might have.

81. When have you felt most alive?
Standing at the top of a mountain, completely by myself, on a warm autumn day.

82. Would you prefer to live? A city? The suburbs? The countryside? The mountains?
I would like to live near a city, but surrounded by nature. And a mountain would be nice.

83. Do you often skip breakfast?
Every so often. I have a hard time eating anything in the morning.

84. How do you know what true love is?
You don't

85. Would you want to know the exact date and time you were going to die?
Yes

86. Where is "home" for you?
I have three "homes" right now. Where I am currently living, my apartment. My mother's house which I will stay at again this summer. And I still have lingering feelings of "home" when it comes to my part at the campus of folk high school.

87. What song best describes your life right now?
... I don't know? I'll just put this out here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuBWqd…

88. Do you want to be perfect?
No

89. What have you never tried, but would really like to someday? What's holding you back?
I want to go to Japan. And skydiving. I haven't been able to go to Japan because of money, time and a whole plethora of other reasons. I will manage to do it someday! Skydiving I haven't been able to do because my bones haven't completely grown out yet and I wouldn't be allowed until they were. You never see 16-year old sky diving now do you.

90. How do you express your creativity?
Any way I can. I write. I paint. I sing. I stand atop a hill and shout at the top of my lungs.

91. Describe your neighborhood.
Quiet. Full of old people.

92. Name something you only liked because it was popular.
Bratz. The only thing I "liked" because it was popular ever. Never again.

93. Give me the story of your life in six words.
Full of experiences, barely even started.



That took.. Such a long time. I'll go take a nap now. Or a cup of tea. Or both.
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Featured

Brace yourselves - Art is imminent by EscaWake, journal

Guess I have a boyfriend by EscaWake, journal

I didn't forget you! by EscaWake, journal

Emotions by EscaWake, journal

Another pointless quiz that no one will read by EscaWake, journal